Monday, July 20, 2015

It's been a strange and scary week...

It's been five days since I've last written here, because it's been a long, stressful, fun, and scary week. So much has happened in the past five days, so this post may be a little erratic and kind of long, so please bare with me.

So, after writing my last post Tuesday night, by boyfriend took a turn of the worst and became very, very, ill, and I almost called an ambulance on him, but, luckily, I was able to get him into bed, where he held onto me, and I we both fell asleep in one another's arms. It was a long scary night, and I don't want to post too much about his personal issues, so, all I'm going to say is that,  I'm SO happy he's doing better now. He's eating, able to drive again, and move around without much problem. I don't know what I'd do if I had lost this man, as he means the world to me, so I'm SO fucking relieved that he's OK.

Moving on...
The next day (Wednesday) I was starting to feel a mental shift, and not a good one. At some point in the day, I took a Xanax, dabbed, and then completely blacked out. Apparently, though, my boyfriend took me out for lunch, and to the mall where he bought me a new Monster High doll, a Sally keychain, a bunch of gumballs and some temporary tattoos! How sweet of him:

"These are some of the things he got me, the stuffed Sally keychain is so adorable!"

"Her name is Twyla, and is the daughter of the Boogey Man! She has a pet dust bunny named Dunstin, and is a lot shorter than the other dolls because she's only 14 years old- the others are usually ages 16-19. She's very pretty in person, and I love her"
 I guess he wanted to thank me for taking care of him while he was so sick, so that was very kind of him to treat me like that. All that aside, I'm still incredibly disturbed by the fact that I can't remember going with him to the mall AT ALL. I must have had a mental breakdown or something, because even if I'm manic, I usually can remember all the details of what happens on a given day. So, I'm super concerned about this. At least I was able to pull off some semi-decent makeup while I was "out of it":

"I don't remember applying this makeup, or taking this picture, but I found it on my phone, and uploaded it to Instagram and Facebook. Plus, Jake says it's a nice picture of me, and I kind of agree, even though it's not great quality."
But, yeah, like I said, the whole thing is incredibly disturbing to me, especially because last night the same thing happened. I guess I blacked out AGAIN, and went to the store to buy candies in the middle of the night. I woke up safe in my bed this morning though, so I'm at least grateful that I made it home safely, and that I have a good boyfriend who watches over me when he's able to.
Fortunately for me, even though all that shit went down, my stomach has been cooperating, and I've been able to eat little bits here and there for the past few days. This morning after going to the clinic, I treated myself to one of my favorite breakfasts:

"Greek yogurt, sweetened with vanilla, cinnamon, and honey, topped with gluten-free granola, fresh raspberries and blueberries, and a cup of raspberry green tea."

I was able to keep it all down, so I'm very happy! And, I was feeling OK for a midday snack/lunch as well, but wanted something light and healthy, so I  had this:

"A small spinach and tomato salad dressed with lemon juice and topped with Spanish olives, egg with fresh herbs, a slice of brie, gluten free pretzel chips, mixed nuts with dried fruit, and an Iced caramel latte. So good!"

On Thursday, my boyfriend (Jake) had to attend his monthly meeting at Oakland City Hall, as a commissioner on the Cannabis Regulatory Commission for the city of Oakland, CA. I don't usually go with him to his meetings, but this time I needed to take pictures, and was genuinely interested in seeing what it was all about, because my love is very passionately driven when it comes to this particular form of activism:

"The sign he's holding is protesting the incarceration our friends Sheebie and Meesh who were wrongly arrested this past week, and are being held with a bail set. This is why the war on drugs is fucking ridiculous, especially the war on cannabis."

"Jake is an important member of the Cannabis Regulatory Commission for the City of Oakland, you can see him sitting on the end, with his sign behind him."

"Me, sitting in the audience at Oakland City Hall, while Jake and the rest of the Cannabis Regulatory Commission speak on stage. Didn't have time for makeup, so I wore sunglasses the whole time, haha. Yes, I'm THAT vain."

He's just so passionate about it. He believes in providing safe places where people can medicate (measure Z clubs) without the worry of being arrested, and believes in delivery services for poor and disabled peoples as well. Like, he genuinely cares about our community, and I find that incredibly endearing and sexy, and I greatly admire him for it. There was a time where I was genuinely considering never dating cis-gender men again, and only sticking to women as a bisexual person, but I decided to give him a chance after he literally saved my life back in November, and I'm extremely happy I did. He's BY FAR the best person I've ever dated and gone steady with, and the only person I'd actually consider marrying (which is something we've both been discussing on and off these past few days, but, more on that later)- he's literally my knight in shining armor, and I couldn't ask for a better partner. Every day he tells me he loves me, multiple times even, and makes it a point to remind me just how beautiful, intelligent, special, and loved I truly am. He treats me as his equal, instead of his servant or lesser-than, and includes me in his various activities and hobbies. He also takes interest in my activities and hobbies as well, and asks my honest opinion on various matters because he's genuinely interested in hearing my input and thoughts on various matters and subject. Another thing, above all else, is that he's extremely understanding and patient when it comes to my chronic illnesses- both physical and mental, and will even stay overnight at the hospital with me if I request him to. NONE of my other boyfriends or girlfriends have ever stayed the night at the hospital with me, not ONCE. They usually become bored and fidgety and leave, so this means the fucking world to me. So, basically, regardless of gender, he's everything I've ever wanted in a significant other, flaws and all, and I plan on being with him forever.

In other news, last weekend my cat, Alice, became suddenly ill. She had stopped eating and drinking, and started throwing up everywhere. She's generally a healthy cat, and never misses a meal, so when I offered to feed her breakfast one morning, and she refused, I knew something was terribly wrong. I was considering making an appointment with the vet, until it occurred to me to read the nutrition label on the back of her cat food, and wouldn't you know it? The fucking food had been expired since April 2009! I instantly knew that was the problem, and became furious. Jake and I bagged up the cat food, and took it right back to the store where we demanded to speak with the manager. Unfourtunately, we could't find the receipt, so the manager basically thought we were lying and told us there was nothing he could do for us. Jake became angry, and the piece of shit security guard (who has a reputation for being a huge asshole anyway) got in his face, called him "retarded" which is a slur, nowadays, and told us to "get the fuck out of MY store"- I didn't realize that the security guard owned the store- not. Fucking asshole. Anyway, without wanting to make a huge scene, Jake and I left the store, and told them that we refuse to ever do business with them again, and that we're going to warn others to not shot there as well, as our cat has basically been fucking poisoned, and now may need veterinary care. After we got home, Jake got on the with the owner of the building in which the store is located, and we were instructed to call the company that makes the cat food and inform them that this store is selling their expired products. I'm going to go ahead and give them a call on Monday when their offices are open, because I don't want anyone elses' pets getting sick. As of last night, Alice is finally eating and drinking again. We went out and bought her some new food, so I'm happy to say that she is going to be OK. She basically just experienced some food poisoning, and needed to jut ride it out. I was genuinely worried at first, because it's been hot and she wasn't drinking either, so I thought I'd have to bring her in to at least get some IV fluid to avoid dehydration, but, NOPE! She's doing just fine now, and I couldn't be more relieved.

"Miss Alice is feeling and looking so much better now! Here she is watching the birds from the window earlier today."

Friday was pretty uneventful, I went to the clinic in the morning as usual, went shopping, and relaxed for much of the day. Saturday was a lot of fun though. Jake took me over to one of his friend's house to hang out with his dogs, dab, share a joint, and drink some cider:

"It was actually a really nice joint, and I enjoyed the taste of it a lot."

We talked about Sheebie and Meesh (incarcerated friends mentioned above), and how we can better the current situation and help them out; relaxed, and bullshitted for about an hour or so. His friend was very pleasant company to be around, and his dogs were adorable. Especially this friendly pitbull fellow:

"This here is Vinny Earl Grey. What a great dog"
His house was also full of a lot of really cool artwork! I guess his roommate is a Japanese immigrant, and likes to collect cool artwork, so that was really fun for me, personally. It actually inspired me to create again, so once I get a little extra income, I'm going to go buy myself some art supplies and start drawing again. I can't wait! Anyway, after hanging out, we were high and had major munchies, so his friend recommended this Laotian-Thai place called the Sticky Rice Cafe in Oakland, and it was amazing!

"I thought the sign was cute."

We were high, so, of course, very hungry. We ordered Thai Iced Teas, appetizers, and plenty of other things. I was worried that we'd overspend, but the check on came out to $37, so, that with tax and tip is not bad at all! I highly recommend this place. Also, it was a "meat day". On "meat days" I eat meat so that I don't fall dangerously anemic again. I only do this about two to three times a week depending on how I'm doing (I couldn't imagine eating meat every single day, I'd feel sick! I don't know how some people do that. To each their own, I guess). Eventually, I want to return to vegetarianism, or even veganism, but for now, this is how I must live if I wish to stay out of the hospital. Anyway, here's what we ordered:

"Thai Iced Tea. Not as strong as I usually prefer my tea, but still good on a hot day."

"The start you off with this complimentary vegetarian tofu soup. It's extra good if you add spicy garlic sauce."

"Thai Marinated Chicken! The best I've ever had, tbh."

"Egg fried rice. They allow you to choose whichever meat you want."

"Beef Drunken Noodles. (Pan Kee Mao)"
"Tom Kha Gai."

All of it was very good, and we left very satisfied and full. We will be returning there again some day.
Today has also been quite an uneventful day. Because of of that weird episode last night, I woke up this morning feeling lost and out of place. I had to be up before 10am because the clinic closes early on weekends, but my love and I weren't feeling very well, so getting up was HARD. I hate to admit this, but the first thing I do, every morning, after I wake up, is vomit. It's an unfortunate part of my daily routine, and I fucking hate it. I usually like to try and get up at least an hour before I leave for the clinic so that I have time to throw up and clean out my system, take my anti-nausea medication, wait for it to kick in and THEN go to the clinic to dose. This morning routine is crucial if I want to keep my dose down. If I don't do it, then there's a very good chance that I will throw up my dose, and be dope sick for the remainder of the day- which is not fun for anyone, I can be a huge pain in the ass when I'm dope sick. Most people are. Having woken up so late this morning, with only minutes to get out the door threw a huge wrench in my whole day and screwed everything up. I had to use every bit of strength that I had to keep that dose down, but I succeeded. Go me! After the clinic, the boyfriend and I wanted nothing more but to go home and go back to sleep, but we first had to run to the store to buy coffee, because I can't go without it, and Ibuprofen, because he can't take Acetaminophen, and that's all I had on me. After we bought our items, be rushed home, only to be greeted with stinky dogs who needed their enclosures cleaned up. Not exactly what we wanted to deal with at the moment, considering we were both feeling like shit, but it's not fair to let the dogs live in filth, so he cleaned up their enclosures, while I cleaned up the dishes and took care of the cat. We make a great team, I'd say. Anyway, after we FINALLY got the place cleaned up, and the animals taken care of, we were able to nap together for several hours. I woke up very hungry, and made myself a nice salad for dinner:

"Caesar salad with fresh everything! I'm so happy that I'm a decent cook and can prepare healthy AND pretty food for myself and others."

After dinner, I decided to spend my evening reading various online articles, scrolling through tumblr, and planning out my day for tomorrow. I have a meeting with my drug counselor at 10am, some shopping to do, and a bit of house work to take care of. I'm off to write my my shopping lists, read, and get ready for bed now. Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry this one was so long and crazy! I just need to keep on top of this writing thing, because I find it very therapeutic to write out my frustrations and what not. Oh, and, of course, here's your daily picture and MOTD of yours truly:

 ~xoxo LoliClown

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