Updates; this past week.

"Waiting outside a cafe for my love to return. I know it's only August, but it's never to early to sport nice Halloween themed attire! It's officially the month where Halloween goods start appearing in stores, so, excuse me for being a little bit excited!"

Wow, I haven't written anything here since July 20th, and it's now August first, so I have a lot to say! Much has happened in these past several days, so i'll try and cover as much as I possibly can in this single post.

"My furry little love and I at the Phish concert."

Anyway, last week my love took me to see a band called "Phish". I'm more used to going to metal, goth, industrial, classical, and synthpop shows, so this was a new experience for me. Unfourtunately, this concert was held at one of my LEAST favorite venues here in CA- the Shoreline. Phish is described as Neo-Psychedelia, Blue-Grass, Acid-Rock, Funk-Rock, and Jazz-Rick. So, the type of people who often attend these shows are also Grateful Dead fans, meaning; drugs, sex, unfortunate dancing, career-concert goers, very little black people, and most importantly: WOOKS. That's right, Wooks. To safe myself the time and effort, here's the Urban Dictionary definition of Wooks:

TOP DEFINITION

   

wook

"noun or adjective. a dirty, hairy, stinky, mal-nourished, dishonest creature that often travels in packs, with possibly and unfortunately, mangy, multi-colored dogs on hand-made all natural, organic hemp leashes, or alone wandering aimlessly around a concert (usually "hippie music") parking lot with a few seemingly more important than the music goals; find as many mind altering substances and cram them into their bodies as fast and furiously as possible, get into the show somehow, don't lose the dog this time, and if by chance they come across unattended property such as a cooler, chair, backpack, or a beverage, it will then become their own. also once inside the show and the music begins, even if it sucks, a true wook will never be able to tell the difference because once the substances take effect, many of them can actually be seen dancing and "gooving" to music that only they can hear. wooks are only useful in one way: if you are trying to warn or scare a younger more easily influenced friend about the dangers of drugs, just tell them to observe and study the behaviors of wooks in their natural surroundings, but warn them that if they get too close, they may risk becoming one themselves!

My friend's older brother is a sneaky wook"

2

   

A wook is a hippie without any ambition, motivation, or drive other than drugs and image. They're generally in their twenties, college students (or dropouts) at small-town liberal colleges (such as Appalachian State University) and dependent on an income other than their own. 

Wooks tend to travel in packs, they smell strongly of patchouli and are in constant search for free drugs. One of the defining characteristics is an excessive amount of unkempt hair, usually in dreadlocks.

It is important to make the distinction between a hippie and a wook. Hippies can generally be viewed as positive, optimistic members of society with an idealistic goal for the betterment of society. Wooks are everything that you've been warned about in regard to hippies wrapped into a neat little package.

hippie, wookie, wook, dirty hippie, college student"

So, you get the idea. I've met a handful of Wooks in my life, as a Berkeley native, but, seeing so many in such a small area was not only stinky, but, quite amusing, and a bit frightening, to say the least. I certainly don't trust the lot of them, that's for damn sure. Anyway, the show was OK, not the usual music I listen to, but it was nice, and not annoying, and I enjoy live music in general, so I had a decent time with my love. I didn't know how to dance to it though, which was frustrating at first. "Grooving" just isn't my style, and the majority of the audience were terrible dancers, so I couldn't look to them to get a good idea of what to do- the majority of them were on some serious drugs anyway, so it's not like they even cared how horrible their dancing was, or how ridiculous they looked, and once I got a little too high, I wasn't even able to stand anyway, so attempting to dance was futile.

"Sitting on the grass, waiting for the show to start."

One super annoying thing about this show was the fact that I had dabbed, had a few drinks and took some Xanax, so I was already on a pretty good high for the majority of the show, but even when I fucking stressed this to several people, they kept pushing more drugs on me, especially acid. luckily, they eventually got the message and leaved me alone. Another annoying this was when my blood sugar got low, and we were desperately looking for some kind of sugary beverage for me to drink, but the ONLY thing that everyone had for sale was alcoholic. Alcohol tend to lower the blood sugar even more, so drinking it not only would have been very counter-productive, but also highly dangerous. Luckily, we eventually found a couple selling Gatorade, and bought it all from them. So I was saved.

"Still sitting on the grass and waiting."

On our way out of the park, we bought some nitrous balloons and got silly in our car before taking off. It was pretty cheap nitrous, definitely not medical grade, and big waste of money in my opinion, but, whatever. When we got into our car to drive away, our engine suddenly started smoking because it became overheated. It was so scary. We didn't want to risk it exploding, so we turned the car off and put a bunch of ice and water on it to cool it down. Eventually, it was safe enough to drive, and we got home safely. By the time we got home, though, it was about 3am, and we accidentally locked ourselves out of our car, so we had to wait for a fucking hour for AAA to come and save us. It sucked big time, because we were both super tired and just wanted to shower and go to bed. We eventually made it inside, and crashed as soon as our heads hit the pillow.
I don't know if I ever have the desire to attend another Phish show, because it's really not my scene, but, if my love ever wants me to go with him again, I will happily join him. I think it's fun watching him in his element and enjoying himself. It's certainly weird stepping outside of one's usual scene and diving head-first into an unfamiliar subculture. I was a bit uncomfortable at first, but, all in all, it was a fun learning experience. The people were mostly friendly, despite a few crazy druggies, and personal hygiene issues, so, it was a decent experience, and I'm happy to say I did it.

Moving on:

Last night my friends Kitty and Jonas came into town to visit, so we got a group together and went out for dinner and a wonderful vegan restaurant called The Loving Hut. The food was so good, you wouldn't even care if it's vegan at all! I'm super happy that my stomach was being nice, so I was able to try a number of items on the menu. Like this:

"Vegan Flan! I have a bad habit of ordering dessert before actual dinner arrives, haha."

I would have been devastated if I couldn't eat out with my friends yesterday due to medical issues, because ever since they moved away, I rarely get to see them, so this get-together was very important to me. After I ordered the vegan flan, I them ordered this for appetizer no.2:

"Vegan strawberry and chocolate cheesecake. I didn't eat the crust, of course, because gluten. It was so good, I was surprised!"

I also ordered the BEST lemonade I've ever had in my life, two Thai Iced teas, and this amazing ginger-rice-noodle dish:

"Vegan ginger-tofu, rice-noodles. So fucking good, I swear."

"Me, sitting at the restaurant."

The food was all super tasty, and all of that, combined with my love's food and drinks as well, only came out to $47, plus tip. So, I left there super happy, and didn't even have to spend an arm and a leg to feed two people. I will be returning there one day, it was that good.

After dinner, we all drove back to Alameda, to Kitty's parent's house where we bullshitted for a few hours, shared drinks, and dabbed. Me, being the dumbass/silly clown that I am, smoked everyone's leftovers, so I became super high, more high than anyone else. It got to the point where I needed to get myself home and get to bed, because I had clinic in the morning, and I knew I wouldn't wake up the next day if I didn't get myself into bed soon. Of course, even though I tried to get to sleep in a timely manner, I ended up missing the clinic altogether. Such an idiot sometimes. Oh well, luckily we had some medication save for a rainy day, so I didn't have to suffer withdrawal thank fucking god.

"Kitty, me, Hannah. I look crazy, haha. I love these two so much."

Earlier today, my love and I went out for a date, as date-night is often on Saturdays, and we like to at least get out and enjoy each other's company a couple times a week. We went to a Mexican restaurant, where, of course, I ordered dessert first again, and a delicious blended strawberry margarita, which whipped cream and a cherry on top. Yay! My food was good, my love's though? Not so much. After indulging a little too much at that vegan place the day before, I guess he wanted something nice and lite, so he ordered a salad. Unfourtunately for him, the salad had beets on it, and he HATE beets (I had no idea, we learn something new every day.) I, personally, LOVE beets, so I tried to help him out by eating some of them, but, he had lost his appetite.

"At least this margarita was pretty damn good."

The restaurant was gracious enough to take the salad off our tab, but, the bill was still super high. I would have requested that they look over the receipt to see if they overcharged us (which the did) but, my love and I started arguing about something, and became pissed off at the whole ordeal, so we just decided to leave. Date night ruined. We've since calmed down, and made up, and all doing just fine now, but it was a pretty heated argument. My love, though, being the decent person that he is, apologized first, and made me feel better. I wish I weren't such a cry baby, but I absolutely HATE fighting. In fact, I pretty much hate all drama, and try my hardest to avoid it at all costs. I'd rather just agree to disagree with someone, especially my significant other, than fight about it. That's just not how the real world works though, and every couple argues and/or fights from time to time, and if I were to bury my head every time I'm faced with confrontation, then I'd never have a successful relationship. So, I bite the bullet, and do what I usually hate doing. It really makes me wonder how some people love chaos, and drama, and stirring shit up. It makes zero sense to me. I'd much rather live in peace with my fellow humans that be constant at each other's throat, y'know? But, some people really love a good fight. It's like they wake up in the morning and say to themselves "so, how can I start shit with someone today to feed my need to be a pain in the ass because my life is empty and meaningless and this is what I do to feel alive." I think such people have no consideration or regard for how other's feel. It's disgusting, in my opinion, and I'd rather not associate with those types, but, I digress.
Now, my love and I are in bed. He's snoring away like a cutie, and I'm up writing this. I feel a little bit sick, so I'm kind of worried that another gastroparesis attack is underway, so, I'm going to try and take it easy tomorrow. I do have to go to the clinic tomorrow morning, and I absolutely cannot miss another day, so, I should wrap this up and force myself to try and get some sleep. Thanks for reading again! I'll try and write more tomorrow night!

Oh, and here's you daily picture of yours truly!:

"MOTD, and my look for date night,"

~xoxo LoliClown/Misty Rose

It's been a strange and scary week...

It's been five days since I've last written here, because it's been a long, stressful, fun, and scary week. So much has happened in the past five days, so this post may be a little erratic and kind of long, so please bare with me.

So, after writing my last post Tuesday night, by boyfriend took a turn of the worst and became very, very, ill, and I almost called an ambulance on him, but, luckily, I was able to get him into bed, where he held onto me, and I we both fell asleep in one another's arms. It was a long scary night, and I don't want to post too much about his personal issues, so, all I'm going to say is that,  I'm SO happy he's doing better now. He's eating, able to drive again, and move around without much problem. I don't know what I'd do if I had lost this man, as he means the world to me, so I'm SO fucking relieved that he's OK.

Moving on...
The next day (Wednesday) I was starting to feel a mental shift, and not a good one. At some point in the day, I took a Xanax, dabbed, and then completely blacked out. Apparently, though, my boyfriend took me out for lunch, and to the mall where he bought me a new Monster High doll, a Sally keychain, a bunch of gumballs and some temporary tattoos! How sweet of him:

"These are some of the things he got me, the stuffed Sally keychain is so adorable!"

"Her name is Twyla, and is the daughter of the Boogey Man! She has a pet dust bunny named Dunstin, and is a lot shorter than the other dolls because she's only 14 years old- the others are usually ages 16-19. She's very pretty in person, and I love her"

 I guess he wanted to thank me for taking care of him while he was so sick, so that was very kind of him to treat me like that. All that aside, I'm still incredibly disturbed by the fact that I can't remember going with him to the mall AT ALL. I must have had a mental breakdown or something, because even if I'm manic, I usually can remember all the details of what happens on a given day. So, I'm super concerned about this. At least I was able to pull off some semi-decent makeup while I was "out of it":

"I don't remember applying this makeup, or taking this picture, but I found it on my phone, and uploaded it to Instagram and Facebook. Plus, Jake says it's a nice picture of me, and I kind of agree, even though it's not great quality."

But, yeah, like I said, the whole thing is incredibly disturbing to me, especially because last night the same thing happened. I guess I blacked out AGAIN, and went to the store to buy candies in the middle of the night. I woke up safe in my bed this morning though, so I'm at least grateful that I made it home safely, and that I have a good boyfriend who watches over me when he's able to.
Fortunately for me, even though all that shit went down, my stomach has been cooperating, and I've been able to eat little bits here and there for the past few days. This morning after going to the clinic, I treated myself to one of my favorite breakfasts:

"Greek yogurt, sweetened with vanilla, cinnamon, and honey, topped with gluten-free granola, fresh raspberries and blueberries, and a cup of raspberry green tea."

I was able to keep it all down, so I'm very happy! And, I was feeling OK for a midday snack/lunch as well, but wanted something light and healthy, so I  had this:

"A small spinach and tomato salad dressed with lemon juice and topped with Spanish olives, egg with fresh herbs, a slice of brie, gluten free pretzel chips, mixed nuts with dried fruit, and an Iced caramel latte. So good!"

On Thursday, my boyfriend (Jake) had to attend his monthly meeting at Oakland City Hall, as a commissioner on the Cannabis Regulatory Commission for the city of Oakland, CA. I don't usually go with him to his meetings, but this time I needed to take pictures, and was genuinely interested in seeing what it was all about, because my love is very passionately driven when it comes to this particular form of activism:

"The sign he's holding is protesting the incarceration our friends Sheebie and Meesh who were wrongly arrested this past week, and are being held with a bail set. This is why the war on drugs is fucking ridiculous, especially the war on cannabis."

"Jake is an important member of the Cannabis Regulatory Commission for the City of Oakland, you can see him sitting on the end, with his sign behind him."

"Me, sitting in the audience at Oakland City Hall, while Jake and the rest of the Cannabis Regulatory Commission speak on stage. Didn't have time for makeup, so I wore sunglasses the whole time, haha. Yes, I'm THAT vain."

He's just so passionate about it. He believes in providing safe places where people can medicate (measure Z clubs) without the worry of being arrested, and believes in delivery services for poor and disabled peoples as well. Like, he genuinely cares about our community, and I find that incredibly endearing and sexy, and I greatly admire him for it. There was a time where I was genuinely considering never dating cis-gender men again, and only sticking to women as a bisexual person, but I decided to give him a chance after he literally saved my life back in November, and I'm extremely happy I did. He's BY FAR the best person I've ever dated and gone steady with, and the only person I'd actually consider marrying (which is something we've both been discussing on and off these past few days, but, more on that later)- he's literally my knight in shining armor, and I couldn't ask for a better partner. Every day he tells me he loves me, multiple times even, and makes it a point to remind me just how beautiful, intelligent, special, and loved I truly am. He treats me as his equal, instead of his servant or lesser-than, and includes me in his various activities and hobbies. He also takes interest in my activities and hobbies as well, and asks my honest opinion on various matters because he's genuinely interested in hearing my input and thoughts on various matters and subject. Another thing, above all else, is that he's extremely understanding and patient when it comes to my chronic illnesses- both physical and mental, and will even stay overnight at the hospital with me if I request him to. NONE of my other boyfriends or girlfriends have ever stayed the night at the hospital with me, not ONCE. They usually become bored and fidgety and leave, so this means the fucking world to me. So, basically, regardless of gender, he's everything I've ever wanted in a significant other, flaws and all, and I plan on being with him forever.

In other news, last weekend my cat, Alice, became suddenly ill. She had stopped eating and drinking, and started throwing up everywhere. She's generally a healthy cat, and never misses a meal, so when I offered to feed her breakfast one morning, and she refused, I knew something was terribly wrong. I was considering making an appointment with the vet, until it occurred to me to read the nutrition label on the back of her cat food, and wouldn't you know it? The fucking food had been expired since April 2009! I instantly knew that was the problem, and became furious. Jake and I bagged up the cat food, and took it right back to the store where we demanded to speak with the manager. Unfourtunately, we could't find the receipt, so the manager basically thought we were lying and told us there was nothing he could do for us. Jake became angry, and the piece of shit security guard (who has a reputation for being a huge asshole anyway) got in his face, called him "retarded" which is a slur, nowadays, and told us to "get the fuck out of MY store"- I didn't realize that the security guard owned the store- not. Fucking asshole. Anyway, without wanting to make a huge scene, Jake and I left the store, and told them that we refuse to ever do business with them again, and that we're going to warn others to not shot there as well, as our cat has basically been fucking poisoned, and now may need veterinary care. After we got home, Jake got on the with the owner of the building in which the store is located, and we were instructed to call the company that makes the cat food and inform them that this store is selling their expired products. I'm going to go ahead and give them a call on Monday when their offices are open, because I don't want anyone elses' pets getting sick. As of last night, Alice is finally eating and drinking again. We went out and bought her some new food, so I'm happy to say that she is going to be OK. She basically just experienced some food poisoning, and needed to jut ride it out. I was genuinely worried at first, because it's been hot and she wasn't drinking either, so I thought I'd have to bring her in to at least get some IV fluid to avoid dehydration, but, NOPE! She's doing just fine now, and I couldn't be more relieved.

 

"Miss Alice is feeling and looking so much better now! Here she is watching the birds from the window earlier today."

Friday was pretty uneventful, I went to the clinic in the morning as usual, went shopping, and relaxed for much of the day. Saturday was a lot of fun though. Jake took me over to one of his friend's house to hang out with his dogs, dab, share a joint, and drink some cider:

"It was actually a really nice joint, and I enjoyed the taste of it a lot."

We talked about Sheebie and Meesh (incarcerated friends mentioned above), and how we can better the current situation and help them out; relaxed, and bullshitted for about an hour or so. His friend was very pleasant company to be around, and his dogs were adorable. Especially this friendly pitbull fellow:

"This here is Vinny Earl Grey. What a great dog"

His house was also full of a lot of really cool artwork! I guess his roommate is a Japanese immigrant, and likes to collect cool artwork, so that was really fun for me, personally. It actually inspired me to create again, so once I get a little extra income, I'm going to go buy myself some art supplies and start drawing again. I can't wait! Anyway, after hanging out, we were high and had major munchies, so his friend recommended this Laotian-Thai place called the Sticky Rice Cafe in Oakland, and it was amazing!

"I thought the sign was cute."

We were high, so, of course, very hungry. We ordered Thai Iced Teas, appetizers, and plenty of other things. I was worried that we'd overspend, but the check on came out to $37, so, that with tax and tip is not bad at all! I highly recommend this place. Also, it was a "meat day". On "meat days" I eat meat so that I don't fall dangerously anemic again. I only do this about two to three times a week depending on how I'm doing (I couldn't imagine eating meat every single day, I'd feel sick! I don't know how some people do that. To each their own, I guess). Eventually, I want to return to vegetarianism, or even veganism, but for now, this is how I must live if I wish to stay out of the hospital. Anyway, here's what we ordered:

"Thai Iced Tea. Not as strong as I usually prefer my tea, but still good on a hot day."

"The start you off with this complimentary vegetarian tofu soup. It's extra good if you add spicy garlic sauce."

"Thai Marinated Chicken! The best I've ever had, tbh."

"Egg fried rice. They allow you to choose whichever meat you want."

"Beef Drunken Noodles. (Pan Kee Mao)"

"Tom Kha Gai."

All of it was very good, and we left very satisfied and full. We will be returning there again some day.
Today has also been quite an uneventful day. Because of of that weird episode last night, I woke up this morning feeling lost and out of place. I had to be up before 10am because the clinic closes early on weekends, but my love and I weren't feeling very well, so getting up was HARD. I hate to admit this, but the first thing I do, every morning, after I wake up, is vomit. It's an unfortunate part of my daily routine, and I fucking hate it. I usually like to try and get up at least an hour before I leave for the clinic so that I have time to throw up and clean out my system, take my anti-nausea medication, wait for it to kick in and THEN go to the clinic to dose. This morning routine is crucial if I want to keep my dose down. If I don't do it, then there's a very good chance that I will throw up my dose, and be dope sick for the remainder of the day- which is not fun for anyone, I can be a huge pain in the ass when I'm dope sick. Most people are. Having woken up so late this morning, with only minutes to get out the door threw a huge wrench in my whole day and screwed everything up. I had to use every bit of strength that I had to keep that dose down, but I succeeded. Go me! After the clinic, the boyfriend and I wanted nothing more but to go home and go back to sleep, but we first had to run to the store to buy coffee, because I can't go without it, and Ibuprofen, because he can't take Acetaminophen, and that's all I had on me. After we bought our items, be rushed home, only to be greeted with stinky dogs who needed their enclosures cleaned up. Not exactly what we wanted to deal with at the moment, considering we were both feeling like shit, but it's not fair to let the dogs live in filth, so he cleaned up their enclosures, while I cleaned up the dishes and took care of the cat. We make a great team, I'd say. Anyway, after we FINALLY got the place cleaned up, and the animals taken care of, we were able to nap together for several hours. I woke up very hungry, and made myself a nice salad for dinner:

"Caesar salad with fresh everything! I'm so happy that I'm a decent cook and can prepare healthy AND pretty food for myself and others."

After dinner, I decided to spend my evening reading various online articles, scrolling through tumblr, and planning out my day for tomorrow. I have a meeting with my drug counselor at 10am, some shopping to do, and a bit of house work to take care of. I'm off to write my my shopping lists, read, and get ready for bed now. Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry this one was so long and crazy! I just need to keep on top of this writing thing, because I find it very therapeutic to write out my frustrations and what not. Oh, and, of course, here's your daily picture and MOTD of yours truly:

 ~xoxo LoliClown

Long day...

Today has been a very long, stressful day. I've been feeling very weak and lightheaded, due to my lack of nutrients and anemia.  Running on empty isn't easy. One can only persist for so long on coffee and cigarettes alone, so I forced myself to go to the market and bought myself some ingredients to make a small snack out of. I bought avocados, fresh mozzarella, grape tomatoes, basil, olive oil, vinegar, olives, lemons, and a bunch of other tasty things to make one of my favorite snacks out of:

"Fresh, home made caprese-olive salad, with a basil vinaigrette, peppered avocado slices with lemon juice, and a glass of aloe vera juice on the side. One of my favorite snacks! Super healthy, and super tasty"

Fortunately, I was able to keep it all down! I credit me being able to do that to the copious amount Dramamine I took earlier in the day. So, after successfully keeping down my snack, I took a small nap to absorb the nutrients, and let my body rest for a few hours. When I woke up, I felt a bit better, and had enough energy to get some much needed house work done. Normally, my boyfriend and I split the housework equally, as we believe in contributing equally to the daily responsibilities, so that we may live happily and fairly. He usually has the task of cleaning up after the dogs, and i take care of the cat, but, today he was too sick to do his part, so I took over and did it for him. I didn't realize what a pain in the ass cleaning up after these dogs was! Wow. I can honestly say that I much prefer cleaning up after cats. We have bulldogs, so they're brachycephalic and need their noses and eyes cleaned up so they don't get too clogged up. Plus, our dog, Gerty, is sickly, and has eye issues and needs eye drops and extra cleaning out of her non-existent tear-ducts because she has cataracts, and . had her tear ducts removed as a puppy because she had a disease that I forget the name of. It's a huge hassle, and pretty gross, so I can't wait until my boyfriend feels better so he can take care of it, and I can focus on the cat instead, haha. Now the dogs are cleaned up, fed, and sleeping like little piglets in their crates, and the cat is is doing the same. Speaking of the cat (her name is Alice) I picked her up this new catfood, that she absolutely LOVES. I thought it was funny, because it's basically Lucky Charms for cats:

"Hearts, and moons, and stars, because cats care about that kind of thing!"

I usually prefer to feed her a healthier brand, like Royal Canin, but I thought this was cute, and she fucking LOVES this junk food. So, she can have some on occasion, along side her healthier food.

Anyway, I can tell it's going to be a long night. My boyfriend is so incredibly sick, that I feel like I should stay up and keep an eye on him. He's speaking nonsense, and is completely delirious. I ordered him some pizza earlier, but now he's just throwing it all up. I'm so worried that I may have to call an ambulance for him, because it's looking pretty grim right now. I'm trying to enjoy my dinner that I made for myself:

"Green salad with homemade avocado-ranch dressing, because bottled ranch is disgusting,  and an iced coffee to keep me awake while I watch over my love."

Anyway, time for me to prepare for the long night ahead of me. I'm really starting to worry that I may need to call an ambulance. Good night, readers. Here's a picture of yours truly- I think I'll add a daily picture of myself to each post to show my motd and/or ootd.

~xoxo LoliClown

Early morning babble...

"Typical LoliClown morning routine." 

I just got back from dosing at the clinic, and picking up Gatorade for my love at the store, and I'm sitting here enjoying my morning cigarette and coffee, taking my morning injections, watching the news, and planning out my day. My love is still incredibly ill, as am I, so I really don't know how much I can actually get done under these circumstances, but I will try my best. I was a bit uneasy when I first woke up, and I still feel a bit off, but am finally starting to calm down now that I have my cigarette and coffee. If it doesn't go away within the next hour or so, I may pop a Xanax or two, just to get through the morning hustle. Fortunately, for me, anyway, it's going to be a lot cooler today than it was yesterday. It's cloudy, and there's a thick drizzle outside, so I have the window open to let the nice, cool, damp, air in. It smells wonderful, and offers a certain kind of calm that I can't get anywhere else. I'm hoping this will be enough to calm me down so I won't need to pop any Xanax, but, we'll see. Hot weather makes me incredibly irritable, uncomfortable, and makes me ill by driving my blood pressure up, so this is a very welcome change of weather, especially because we're in the middle of the Summer months. They're on the weather segment of the news, and are saying that we should also expect some thunder and lightening later in the day. I really hope they're right, because I absolutely ADORE thunder and lightening! It's so beautiful, and such an amazing thing to behold in my opinion. So, I likely have that to look forward to later on- I'm keeping my paws crossed.
I'm hoping my stomach will let me eat something today, because I'm incredibly weak, and noticeably anemic now- my gums, tongue, finger nails, and under my eyelids are white, indicating a drop in red blood cells, meaning, simply, anemia. When I pricked my finger with a lancet earlier to check my blood glucose, I barely bled at all, so I ended up pricking it a total of seven times before I got enough blood for a reading- so annoying. I hate anemia. I used to follow a vegan diet, which I loved how it made me feel overall, until I dropped under 95lbs (6.7 stone for my non-American readers), and was diagnosed with absolute iron deficiency anemia. With that diagnoses, I was told that my body currently cannot handle a vegan diet, much to my dismay. Luckily, I don't have to eat meat every single day, just twice a week is sufficient according to the doctor, but it's hard to meet even that requirement with the gastroparesis because I can barely even keep liquids down on a bad day! The whole thing is super annoying, and I hate it... not to mention the excruciating pain it causes, but that's a whole other story that I don't want to get into right now.  Yesterday, all I could keep down was coffee, tea, and water, so that's why I'm in my current position, so I'm hoping today will be better, and that I can eat. So far, my coffee and medications are staying down fine, so I'm off to a good start.
Anyway, I'm off to go take a shower, write my shopping lists for the day, and run errands. I want to get as much done as possible in these early morning hours before much of the world is up. I'll likely be back later to write about my day.

~xoxo LoliClown 

Sick, but productive...

"I haven’t slept all night, and I’m running on empty… luckily my cab driver is nice (he says my hair reminds him of Lady Gaga). Must get coffee as soon as fucking possible… It’s too early for meetings."

Today started off pretty horribly. For starters, I hadn't gotten a wink of sleep the night before, and was already feeling pretty ill after drinking a whole pot of coffee to my head on an empty stomach. Add that to my ongoing problem with gastroparesis, and it's a recipe for disaster. I had to leave the house early, around 6am, to get to the methadone clinic because I had a really busy schedule for the day, and wanted to get it out of the way as soon as possible so that I could focus on the rest of my tasks and errands for the day. Anyway, after taking my daily methadone, my gastroparesis immediately started acting up, it took every ounce of strength I had to keep it down, and I won that battle, thankfully, so at least I'm safe from being dope sick until my next dose. After taking a quick break at home, I got myself ready pretty quickly; did simple makeup, picked out a cute, yet, simple outfit, called a cab, and was out the door onto my next appointment within minutes. I had a meeting with my insurance company, and had to get a doctor to check me out to see if I was still eligible for the benefits I've been receiving. Of course I passed the physical test, because while I was waiting to be seen, my gastroparesis kicked into overdrive, and I vomited blood all over the waiting room of the office... in front of everyone. They all looked so horrified, and concerned, yet, we're very polite and helpful. I had to reassure them numerous times that I didn't need an ambulance, and that I would be OK. Truth be told, I really DID need an ambulance, but I just wanted to get things over with so I wouldn't have to reschedule this damn meeting once again, so I washed myself up in the bathroom, and went on with it. They took my blood pressure and pulse, which both were understandably extremely high, asked me a bunch of questions, including what my preferred gender was! I was surprised to be asked such a question, and equally surprised that the doctor knew what "genderfluid" meant. This is the first time, ever, that I didn't have to explain what it meant to a medical professional, so that was definitely the highlight of my day. We're making progress! Yay! Anyway, I passed the physical test, and will still receive coverage for my medications, not including those for mental health- I have to return to the office on the 16th to do the mental health part of the exam, but, according to the doctor, I should be approved and covered there as well, so, that's a huge load off my back, and I'm a little less stressed now. I was legitimately worried that I'd get my benefits cut off or something, because I like to needlessly worry about that kind of shit all the time. But, seriously, even though I make enough money to buy food, pay bills, and have a bit of  a social life, I absolutely DO NOT make enough to cover all of my medications and diabetes supplies. I added all the costs up, and it turns out that without my insurance, it would cost me roughly $5550 to just keep myself alive every month. There's no way in Hell that I could afford that, so, it's a good thing that I get to keep my insurance and my benefits, otherwise I'd be dead. Haha.
I'm finally done with all of my errands, so can finally relax for the rest of the day, and have time to write this blog. I'm still pretty sick, so I'm watching myself carefully so that I don't have to go into the hospital again tonight... it's looking pretty grim though. That was a lot of blood I threw up earlier, so I'm worried I may have ruptured something again- probably another upper GI tear, or an ulcer. I get them all the time because of the gastroparesis. Another unfortunate thing is that my boyfriend is currently sick as a dog, which is why I had to take a cab in the first place, instead of him driving me to my appointment and meeting earlier. I hate it when he's sick, because I worry so much, and as a chronically ill person, I'm not used to taking care of other sick people than myself, so I'm pretty bad at it. He's such an angel though. Not too demanding, and very understanding that I'm sick as well, so there's only so much I can do to help him at the moment. My ex was the complete opposite. He always got what I and many others call a "man cold". He just turned into a giant baby who needed his fucking milk brought to him and his bottom powdered. Ugh! It was absolutely pathetic to see a grown man act in such a way. I'm not with him anymore, so now his new girlfriend can deal with that bullshit, haha. Sorry to sound bitter, but acting incompetent and pathetic, and expecting to be waited on by others while you're sick with a minor illness, such as a cold, when you're a grown ass adult is one of my biggest pets peeves of all. I simply can't stand it! I makes me lose very much respect for any person who displays such behavior. It's so highly unattractive. Anyway, my current love isn't like that at all. He's pretty tough. The most he asks for is a glass of water from time to time, and lots of hugs and kisses. I'm very grateful to him for being so wonderful all the time. Anyway (I sure do say that a lot) I'm going to wrap this up and go take a nap with my love, as I've not slept all night, and it's 4pm now. So, good night (day?) all!

~LoliClown

New topics to expect in the future here...

"Edibles! Yummy Cotton Candy. I highly recommend Live Well Patients Group. Excellent service, friendly employees, and a great variety of products to choose from. Check them out if you’re in the Contra Costa or SF Bay Area!"

Now that I have reopened this blog, there will be a number of new topics I'll be covering here. One of those topics will often be medical cannabis, as I'm a frequent user of various types now.  Here, I will be writing reviews to various types of medical cannabis. In these reviews I'll talk about service and product quality, where to acquire various products, and politics surrounding the use of it and the community. The above picture is an example of similar things you may see here in the future. ^_^

xoxo~ LoliClown